PosVida: 2023

Notable libro sobre las ECMs que inspira más que llena la curiosidad por las llamadas "experiencias cercanas a la muerte". El autor, Kenneth Ring, extrae oro puro de las informaciones que le proporcionan aquellas personas que pasaron por este tipo de experiencia. En muchos aspectos, es libro inspirador y complemento perfecto de la información de los estudios de Michael Newton sobre la Posvida mediante la técnica de la hipnoterapia regresiva a vidas pasadas y de vida entre vidas. Aquí se facilita la traducción del capítulo primero, que es muy extenso. Las casi 2 horas de audio merecen la pena por los mensajes (y la posibilidad de llevarlos a la práctica en la vida de cada uno) que los individuos que pasaron ECMs comunican al autor. Debe subrayarse el aporte de la científica suiza Evelyn Elsaesser Valarino como coautora del libro junto con Kenneth Ring.

CAPÍTULO UNO: VIAJES A LA LUZ

Chapter One

Journeys to the Light

For the past ten years, I have been teaching a course on the near-death experience (NDE) at my university. Every semester, thirty-five to forty young undergraduates arrive at my classroom on the first day of the new term, usually somewhat nervous about taking such an offbeat course but generally enthusiastic and curious about the topic that has already excited their interest.

Normally, there is one person—and ordinarily no more than one—among these students who comes to the class with a markedly different orientation, and an advantage over his or her peers. This is the student, though I will only learn this later, who has already had an NDE. He or she is there for quite different reasons, and several weeks or even most of the semester may pass before the other students and I learn that there has been an experiencer all along in our midst. By the time the semester is over, however, we have usually been made privy to the story of the NDE of that student, who becomes for that day the real teacher in the class.

Perico

I still remember quite vividly the first time one of these invisible NDEr students made himself known to me and my class. Perico, as I will call him, was a trifle older than most undergraduates, being in his late twenties, but he still had a definite boyish quality to his manner that made him seem like their exact contemporary. I had already noticed that Perico seemed especially interested in our discussions and, perhaps abetted by the fact that he was comely in an athletic way, with broad shoulders and a powerful build, he had a very lively and attractive presence in the class. Perhaps I am guilty of a degree of idealization when I recall him now, but I feel quite certain I had even noticed that there was a kind of sparkle in his eyes that set him apart from most of the other students. At the time, I'm sure that I attributed this to his obvious involvement with the course, but eventually my students and I were to learn that there were decidedly more personal reasons that explained Perico's almost luminous presence and his infectious cheerfulness.

That was the day, of course, when he, with some shyness, confessed that he had had one of these experiences himself about ten years ago. Naturally, I drew him out and before the class was over that day, we had heard the gist of his story which, once he got into it, Perico told in a very natural, straightforward manner. Afterward, I asked him if he would be kind enough to write out a version of it for me in his course journal, and what follows are some excerpts from this written account, preceded and interspersed with some comments of my own to help place his remarks in context. In reading it, however, I would invite you not merely to peruse his words, but to enter into his experience as empathically as you can by imagining that it was your own. To the extent you are able to do so, his experience will become yours and its power will ramify through you.

Perico's NDE had occurred one summer as a result of a rafting accident in which he had nearly drowned. He had only been on his inner tube for about 30 seconds when he realized he was already in danger. In this moment of alarm, he became aware that

the current was pulling me toward the middle of the river, where there was a small waterfall. There is a sharp drop of about 4 feet or so at this point, and the power of the river is extremely visible. The rocks below had eroded in such a manner that they created a sort of suction hole.. I tried to pull myself toward the route that [his friend and rafting companion] Don had followed as I paddled with my hands, but my attempts proved to be futile. The current was too strong, and paddling was only twisting me around so that now I was headed toward the waterfall backwards instead of forwards. As I looked over my shoulder, my heart began beating faster for I realized that there was no possible way of avoiding the falls. I tried to get a grip on the tube but it was too slippery to get a hold of. Over the falls I went, the inner tube sinking into the water backwards, and then throwing me back in a forward direction because of the air pressure in the tube. I was propelled headfirst into the falls where the force of the water tore me from the tube with sudden impact and brutal force and sent me crashing to the bottom. I was pinned there by its never ending supply of overwhelming force.

Perico now found himself seemingly inescapably trapped, face down in the sand and could move only his hands, but there was nothing for him to grasp to get any leverage. Quickly, he realized that there was no hope and that, with his air supply already dwindling, he would surely die. Meanwhile, his mind speeded up tremendously, and many things and thoughts seemed to be happening simultaneously. Then, he began to lose his sense of time altogether as the reality of his fatal predicament impressed itself upon him.

I could not believe that this is where my life would end.. I never thought it would be by drowning, and never thought it would happen at such a young age.. It struck me as funny that I had been to this area many times before, and never knew that this was where I would die later in life. Scenes from my life began to pass before my eyes at superhigh speeds. It seemed as if I was a passive observer in the process, and it was as if someone else was running the projector. I was looking at my life objectively for the first time ever. I saw the good as well as the bad. I realized that these images were sort of a final chapter in my life, and that when the images stopped, I would lose consciousness forever. I thought of how a light bulb sometimes burns the brightest just before it goes out for the last time.

Perico is beginning to have what many people report on nearly dying, a kind of panoramic life review, and went on to describe various scenes from his childhood, beginning when he was a baby.

I was astonished when I saw myself sitting in a baby's high chair and picking up some food with my right hand and throwing it onto the floor. And there was my mom, years younger, telling me that good boys do not throw their food on the floor. I also saw myself at a lake on a summer vacation when I was about three or four years old. My older brother and I had to swim with an air bubble on our backs to help us float because neither of us were able to swim on our own yet. For some reason, I was mad at him, and to demonstrate my anger, I threw his air bubble into the lake. He was very upset and began to cry, and my father walked over and explained to me that it was not nice of me to do what I did, and that I would have to row the boat out with him to get it, and would have to apologize. I relived a boating accident when I was about seven that was very traumatic for me because I had run over my brother by accident and nearly killed him. I was amazed at how many scenes I was seeing but had long since been forgotten.. It seemed that all the scenes had to do with experiences I had either learned from or were traumatic for me in some way. The images continued at high speeds, and I knew that time was about to run out, for the images were getting closer and closer to the present.. Then the images ceased and there was only darkness.

At this point of seeming finality, Perico says he began to relax a little and to surrender to the inevitable. He is aware, however, of a tingling sensation, beginning in his feet and then spreading over his entire body, which has the effect of making him feel increasingly relaxed. His body becomes extremely quiet and his heart stops beating. He no longer feels the need for air and comments that, paradoxically, he now does not feel uncomfortable in the least. There is a pause, and then suddenly,

I felt myself moving through a dark void. It was like a tunnel but it was so dark that it could have been 5 feet in diameter or thousands of miles. I seemed to be picking up speed and traveling in a perfectly straight line through the void. I felt as if wind was blowing across my face. There was no actual wind though; there were only sensations that would be present if there were wind. I felt as if I were moving at the speed of light through the blackness, and far away in the distance, I could see a small pinpoint of light that seemed to be growing larger. I somehow knew that this was my destination. I sped along until it became a huge mass of beautiful and brilliant white light. I stopped short right before reaching it, for I felt I was getting too far away from the earth to find my way back, and I guess I had a feeling that one could equate with homesickness.

As I sat there motionless, it seemed as if the light began to float toward me as if to take up the slack I had left between us. It was not long before it engulfed me, and I felt as if I became one with the light. It seemed to have knowledge of everything there is to know, and it accepted me as part of it. I felt all-knowing for a few minutes. Suddenly, everything seemed to make perfect sense. The whole world seemed to be in total harmony. I remember thinking, “Ahhh, so that's it. Everything is so crystal clear and simple in so many ways.” I had never been able to see it from this point of view.

Looking back at this point, I cannot explain the questions that were answered, or the answers themselves. All I know was that they were on a much higher level of thought that cannot be approached when limited by the physical nature of the mind.. Within the light, I could still feel the boundaries of my form, but at the same time I felt as one with it. I felt myself expand through the light over an area that seemed like miles, and then contract to my former size, which at this point was like a two- or three-foot egg-shaped mass of energy. I felt better than I had ever felt in my life. It was as if I were bathing in total love and understanding, and basking in its radiance.. It gives me a sense of traveling a long distance and finally making it home. I sensed that I had been here before, perhaps before being born into the physical world.

At this moment of apparent apogee, which suggests the absolute culmination of the NDE in ineffable union with the light, Perico is astonished to perceive that there are still other revelations about to be disclosed to him.

All of a sudden, I noticed a floating sensation, as if I were rising. I was shocked to find that I was floating upwards into the open air above the river. I remember vividly the scene of the water level passing before my eyes. Suddenly I could see and hear as never before. The sound of the waterfall was so crisp and clear that it just cannot be explained by words. Earlier that year, my right ear had been injured when somebody threw an M-80 into a bar where I was listening to a band, and it exploded right next to my head. But now I could hear perfectly clearly, better than I ever had before. My sight was even more beautiful. Sights that were close in distance were as clear as those far away, and this was at the same moment, which astounded me. There was no blurriness in my vision whatsoever. I felt as if I had been limited by my physical senses all these years, and that I had been looking at a distorted picture of reality.

As I floated there about six feet above the water, I gazed downward toward the falls. I knew that my physical body was eight feet below the surface of the water, but it did not seem to bother me.. Now, separated from my physical body, I found that I could survive without all the pain and suffering of physical existence. I had never thought of it as pain and suffering when I was in my physical body, but now, after experiencing such total bliss and harmony, it seemed like everything prior to this was like being in some sort of cage.I felt like I was an energy form that could never be destroyed. I thought of all the handicapped people in the world who could not see, could not hear, and those who had lost limbs or were paralyzed. I realized that when they die, these physical limitations would be cast aside, and they would feel whole again.. It was such a reassuring feeling to know that all of these people would be set free from their handicapped conditions someday”.

Perico then becomes aware of his distraught companion, Don, and tries to communicate with him.

I gazed down the river and could see Don clutching a rock as he looked back at the falls with his mouth hanging open in shock. I yelled to him, “Don, I'm up here. I'm okay, look, up here.” He did not respond. There seemed to be no way for me to communicate with him [and] I quickly gave up.

At this juncture in Perico's journey back from the light, he has some further curious experiences, although similar ones have also been occasionally reported by other NDErs. He finds that his bodiless essence now has the power to enter into and experience elements of nature, such as trees and rocks, and amuses himself with these strange sensations. He is, in short, having a ball, and sees limitless possibilities in this new state. I felt better than I had ever felt in my life. I felt like I could go anywhere in the universe in an instant. I remember thinking about my family, and suddenly finding my energy at home in my backyard, floating above the back porch and looking into the house through the kitchen window. There was a bird sitting on the window ledge, and I was so amazed that I could move so close to it without its flying away. I saw a shadow of someone walking through the kitchen, but I cannot be sure of who it was. Next I found myself floating on a street corner of a busy city. It was exactly like a scene I had seen while visiting San Francisco. After each of these excursions I found myself back once again, floating above the sand next to the river.

I was at the height of my euphoria and looking for something new to experiment with when a voice thundered through my head. It said, “What do you think you are doing? You're not supposed to die yet! You're being selfish. Sure you feel great and you love this new experience, but you must understand that it was not supposed to happen this way. You promised that you would never give up until every ounce of energy was used. You remember that wrestling match in high school when you were pinned, and afterward were disappointed in yourself because you felt you had given up? You just gave up. I am a little disappointed that you did not try harder to escape.”

I thought about it, remembered the incident vividly, and the voice was absolutely right. I had given up rather quickly, and certainly had not used all of my energy to escape, but I explained that I saw no possible way out. I said, “And, besides, it's too late now anyway, my body must be filled with water by now.” We seemed to be communicating not with words, but with direct thought.

At this point, I began to see a figure of a man, partially transparent, and old in appearance. When I realized that this is who I had been communicating with, I also noticed five other faces to his left. [Further exhortations come from these others and then] I realized that these spirits or souls seemed to know me very well, and seemed like some sort of blood relatives from my past, but I didn't recognize them.

The main voice then explained to me that it was not too late to return, and suddenly I saw a thin orange line appear across a black background. It was horizontal, and seemed to stretch to infinity on either side of a small area that was red and thicker than the rest of the band. The voice said, “This red area is your life.” Then, a vertical black line cut through the red area about a quarter of the way of its length. It then said, “If you die today, this is where your life will end, but if you choose to live, you can see that you have the potential to live another three-quarters beyond what you have experienced so far.”

The entity then showed me scenes of what would happen if I chose to die. I saw my family in tears, I saw images of police cars, an ambulance, scuba divers, and people from neighboring houses along the shore trying to get a view of what was happening. I also saw an image of Don explaining to the police what had happened. These images were rather unsettling, for I did not want to put my family and friends through that kind of torment. Then, the voice asked me what I liked about life. I told him I loved music. He asked if I had done everything with my music that I had wanted to. I answered that I hadn't, and told him that I had always dreamed of being an opening act for somebody famous. I then said that I would have liked to open up for someone from the Woodstock Festival, like Arlo Guthrie, for instance.

The voice saw how I gave Arlo Guthrie a sort of hero image and explained to me that he was no different from the rest of us on earth, and that if you want something bad enough it can be yours—as long as you realize that once you get it, you may find that it was not what you were looking for in the first place. It seemed to say if only people could see the importance of love and cooperation instead of competitiveness, the world could be a better place to live. It told me to use my senses to their maximum potential, and to gather as much knowledge as I could through them. I thought about the time line again, and how it continued past the point where my life would end, and how it stretched far before the beginning of my human existence. If there was nothing before and after my life, I wondered why I saw the orange line stretching to infinity in both directions, and not simply the red area that was designated as my life in this world. It seemed to be telling me that I existed in some form before this lifetime, and that I would continue to exist after it ended. The voice then said, “This place will always be here waiting for you, and if you want to stay now, I will accept you, but I will be sort of disappointed if you do not take this opportunity to go back—the choice is yours.”

All of a sudden, I realized that it was almost going to be a personal insult to this figure if I did not choose to return to my present life. It was as if he was telling me that an earthly existence could be so wonderful if looked at through the right frame of mind. It did not take me long to realize that, deep inside, I really wanted to go back and live my life to the fullest. Even though this place made me feel so good, I felt that I could come back here someday, and that there was no rush. I said, “Okay,” and before I could get out the words, “I'm ready,” I shot back into my body like a lightning bolt.

In an instant, Perico becomes aware of the heaviness of his body and his physical pain, but at the same time feels a tremendous influx of energy that allows him almost to disregard the pain. Finding that he now was possessed of “the strength of three men,” he fights resolutely to free himself from his underwater predicament and, of course, he prevails and manages to swim back to the shore, where he collapses on the beach, utterly exhausted. His mind, however, is still preoccupied with his experience, and while on the beach, he nevertheless remains in two worlds. “I tried to figure out what had just happened to me. I knew that I had a glimpse of a world on the other side of life as we know it, and it felt so good to be back. Even the pain in my lungs felt good.”

Ten years later, reflecting on the lessons and impact of his experience, Perico wrote:

This experience changed my life in many ways. For one, I am no longer the least bit afraid to die. I know that I would not want to suffer, but I know that the actual dying process is nothing like what I thought it would be, and that it was probably the most beautiful and peaceful experience I have ever had. I realize now that our time here is relatively short, and it makes me want to live my life to the fullest. I found that among the few things that people can take with them when they die, love is probably the most important. The only things left after one leaves his or her body are energy, love, personality, and knowledge. It seems like such a waste of precious time to become caught up in materialistic modes of thinking. When I hear birds chirping, it sounds so beautiful and makes me feel so good inside. I notice trees and plants and other living things more than I ever had before. I guess I seem to get my happiness more from the little things in life than from things with great monetary value. Life in general seems more intricate and amazing than ever before.

I feel that our bodies are the greatest gift of all, and I find that most people take them for granted. Most people do not stop to realize how lucky we are to be alive. I know that I have been given a second chance in life, and every day is so much more precious to me. Words cannot describe the feeling I get when I wake up in the morning and the sun is shining in through the window, and it is the beginning of a new day with all sorts of opportunities to experience new things, and to learn from them. I know now that an existence after this lifetime awaits all of us, and that death is not the end, but simply a new beginning.

In Perico's case, however, there was a surprise waiting for him and an eerie confirmation of something he had been told by the voice during his NDE. In a coda to his account, Perico relates this story:

One ironic occurrence after this experience: Three years after this experience, I decided I wanted to learn how to play the flute. After only a few months, I realized that I could touch people in the deepest parts of their souls with my playing—sometimes, they would even cry. I found that it was my way to reach out to many people at a time. Two years after first picking up the flute, I was playing in a bar, and a man came up to me and asked me if I would like to be the opening act for Arlo Guthrie at the Shaboo Inn [at the time, a local club]. I said, “Sure!,” as a rush of excitement and the memory of what occurred during my near-death experience ran through my mind. I had my major dream in life come true. After performing, I had a tear in my eye as I looked back at the stage and said to myself, “Maybe the voice was right. Maybe this wasn't what I was looking for after all. Maybe what I really wanted deep down inside was to feel needed and loved, and to be able to touch the hearts of many.”

I've quoted at length from Perico's narrative so that you could have here at the outset the opportunity to project yourself into a deep yet wholly typical NDE. What Perico saw, what he understood, and how he changed as a result of his experience constitute the common testimony and outcome of thousands of near-death survivors around the globe. In a way, it may be enough for you to read and ponder this experience for yourself, for truly it does speak, and speaks most eloquently, for itself. But perhaps, just to be sure we do not overlook anything of vital importance, it might be useful to linger a moment or two before considering our next account and take note of certain features of Perico's experience—especially those that are particularly relevant to us who have not had an NDE ourselves.

Of course, Perico's NDE has many of the familiar elements of these encounters—the feelings of peace and extreme well-being, the out-of-body perspective, a passage through a dark void toward a radiantly beautiful light, a sense of total acceptance, universal knowledge, a life review, meeting others, and being offered the choice whether to return to the physical body. And there were other features of his experience as well that are more unusual, but certainly not unique to Perico, such as his apparent ability to tune into distant scenes and places and to experience directly the creations of nature. For us, however, it is primarily the knowledge that Perico received during his NDE and how it affected his life afterward that are of particular moment. And if we are to begin to internalize these lessons for ourselves, it might be helpful to summarize some of the main ones here.

This, then, is what Perico—who, as we will see, speaks here for so many other NDErs—seems to have taken away from his experience:1.

· There is nothing whatever to fear about death.

· Dying is peaceful and beautiful.

· Life does not begin with birth nor end with death.

· Life is precious—live it to the fullest.

· The body and its senses are tremendous gifts—appreciate them.

· What matters most in life is love.

· Living a life oriented toward materialistic acquisition is missing the point.

· Cooperation rather than competition makes for a better world.

· Being a big success in life is not all it is cracked up to be.

· Seeking knowledge is important—you take that with you.

Many of these statements may seem self-evident, and you may wonder cynically, “Is it really necessary to nearly die to learn such bromides?” Of course it is not—that is the whole premise of this book—but what the NDE does for the individual who has one is to convert these propositions from lip-service truisms to living truths. The NDEr does not forget these things because they have been indelibly and permanently infused into his or her psyche, and they have an immediate and long-lasting effect on the NDEr's conduct. Therefore, if we are to learn from the same school that NDErs graduate from, we must be prepared to do the work ourselves—we have to strive to internalize what the NDEr is given directly. Reading and reflecting on these accounts—more than once if necessary—is a beginning toward that end, and so is considering the list of insights Perico received from his NDE. They are, after all, his gift to you. You could do worse than copying them down and posting them on your refrigerator door in order not to forget them—or him.

As for Perico himself, he went on to graduate from the university and, the last I heard from him, he was getting ready to move to a western state after having been hired by a major airline carrier. But while Perico was the first of the student NDErs I was to meet in my course, he was scarcely the last. And, in fact, it is the last—that is to say, the most recent—of these to whom I would like to introduce you next.

Narciso

This past year I made the acquaintance of a young man named Narcisoon (though everyone calls him Narciso, he later told me). Unlike Perico, who was a very lively presence in my class, Narciso was quiet and unobtrusive. In truth, I confess that this rather ordinary-looking but stocky fellow, with straight black hair, did not make much of an impression on me, though I did note that he was very faithful in attending the classes. Toward the end of the semester, I invited three persons who had had NDEs to my class in order to discuss the aftereffects of their experiences. As it happened, one of these persons was an undergraduate female who had taken the course the previous semester. As Narciso later informed me, he was astonished to see this student there in that setting, for he had known her quite well and never knew that she had had an NDE (and for good reason—while an undergraduate, she had never informed any other students about her experience for fear of ridicule). As a result of hearing her speak in class about her experience, however, Narciso was emboldened, finally, to share his with me privately. Naturally, I encouraged him to write out a version of his NDE for the course, and what you will be reading next are some excerpts from a term paper he wrote for that purpose. Again, I encourage you to allow yourself to experience Narciso's NDE from the inside by putting yourself in his shoes—or rather his spikes, since his encounter with death took place on a baseball diamond.

In March 1988, when Narciso was a high school sophomore, he was severely injured while playing first base for his team. A burly catcher slammed into him violently as Narciso attempted to snare a low throw, and, as he put it, “The next thing I knew, the world as I knew it was gone.” Narciso soon discovered, however, that he was very much present after all—just that he was no longer in his body.

I realized . that I was not in my physical body. I felt no pain or discomfort. I felt totally at peace with myself. I was standing behind my coach and one of the other player's father. They were both kneeling over me in the infield, where I was lying on my back. The first thing I checked was if the ball stayed in my glove [it had].

Narciso then watched—from his out-of-body vantage point, he says—his body being half-carried, half-dragged off the field, his face already grotesquely swollen, and loaded into the car of a teammate's father. He claims to have heard every word spoken, and when being driven to a nearby hospital, Narciso writes that he actually felt himself to be following behind the car. He had clear vision of the interior of the car, however, as well as everything else his attention was drawn to during the ride to the hospital.

Once they arrived at the emergency room, Narciso's body was placed onto a gurney—again, something Narciso states he was aware of from the outside. In his words,

I watched the interns place my body on a gurney and push it through the two big doors that led to the emergency room. The doctors immediately ran toward me in this long, well-lit corridor and checked for a pulse and took my blood pressure. Several doctors huddled around my body. My vital signs were steady but weak and an X ray for my head was ordered. I watched myself get rolled into the X-ray room, where a lead blanket was placed over the rest of my body, and then the lights went out.

I was no longer able to see my body in the X-ray room. I was still out of my body, but now I had no sight. My world was utter darkness. I sensed myself but nothing was there.. There was an indescribable feeling of love and warmth. It could be like a child before birth in its mother's womb. I felt nothing but peace and tranquility. I never wanted to leave—it was as if I was searching for this place my whole life. This place was perfection in all its aspects except that I was alone. As soon as that thought came to mind, my feeling of stillness amid the darkness instantly changed to a movement of intense speed. It was at that moment that I knew I was not alone.

It seemed to me as if everything that I needed to know or ever wanted to know was available to me. I felt an abrupt stop when I asked, “Why am I here?” I felt as if all this knowledge was coming from inside me, since I did not have to speak to anyone—everything just happened. It was like having an epiphany every time I thought of something.

This time, my question led to my life review. It was like watching my life from start to finish on an editing machine stuck in fast forward. The review took me from my conception, which felt like the blackness I experienced after my out-of-body experience, through my childhood, to adolescence, into my teens, and through my near-death experience over again. I saw my life. I relived my life. I felt everything I ever felt before. When I say “everything,” I mean every cut, pain, emotion and sense associated with that particular time in my life. At the same time, I saw the effects of my life on the people around me.. I felt all that they felt and, through this, I understood the repercussions of everything I did, be it good or bad. This life review was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and at the same time, the most horrifying thing I was ever to experience.

By the time my life review caught up to itself, I posed a thought of my younger sister with a desire to be with her. And at that very instant. I was returned to the world as I previously knew it, but not as I previously understood it!

At this point, Narciso's NDE is apparently over, and he wakes up to find himself still on the gurney. Now, however, he is surrounded by his mother and father. He has sustained a severe concussion and has hemorrhaged internally, and, though he is told by his physician that he is lucky to be alive, he is assured that he will recover in time. In fact, he soon is released and driven home by his father. Upon arriving home, however, he loses feeling over the left side of his body, which soon becomes paralyzed, and experiences a total cessation of vision.

Within two days, his vision returns, but he remains paralyzed for a week and bedridden for eight weeks, his face still monstrously swollen. During the first two days of his recuperation, while he is still blind, Narciso, drifting in and out of consciousness, enters into the near-death state again and extracts more information about his life. He says that he continued to see himself in his life review, “and hated what I saw. It was the life review that sparked my desire for change.” He also became aware, just as Perico did, that he had a guide.

During these lapses back to the other side, I felt as if I had someone with me. This person was not there in a physical sense but was there more as a mental guide.. My guide during these ventures [into his life review] felt like a father figure to me. He seemed to ask me all the right questions at all the right times. I was able to pinpoint all the things necessary to change myself. Each time I slipped back into my other world of warmth and answers, it was as if my near-death experience was happening all over again.

As Narciso continues to recover, the changes he has already made within himself, with the help of his guide, begin to stabilize—in his words, “They just began to happen.” And the changes, occurring seemingly so naturally now, are enormous in their scope, as Narciso explained in his paper.

The changes I have come to associate with my NDE seem to be so natural but, at the same time, unattainable without my experience. Before my NDE, my life. was totally different. It seems like a lifetime ago [now], but in actuality, it has only been five years. As I stated earlier, I despised myself when I was younger. I grew up very different from everyone else around me. I was born a first-generation American in my family. My parents came over to this country from Israel and preferred to speak Hebrew at home. In doing this, I tended to speak Hebrew to everyone, even though they did not know it. This cultural difference made it very difficult for me to fit in, so I stopped trying. I was a very introverted child who had almost no friends. Getting picked on and teased was a daily occurrence that drove my self-esteem to the point where it did not exist. I was very inquisitive and smart as a child, but expressing my knowledge in school placed me in the spotlight, where I was subject to even more abuse. As a result of this, I became known as the world's greatest underachiever.

By the time I reached the age of ten, I realized I could express myself through sports. I became one of the top soccer players in my county, and the competition kept me going. The only problem I found with being so good was that the other kids were jealous and began to torture me even more. By this time I had reached junior high school. I had created such a thick shell to protect myself from all my social inadequacies that it only made things worse. I was one of the most antisocial people that ever existed. My life involved going to school to underachieve and get only fair grades, and spending every free minute either practicing soccer or staring blankly into the television, and sleeping. I was so scared of everything—especially rejection, public speaking, social events, girls, and so on—that I fell into a very rebellious state [that led to] vandalism and other troubles.

According to Narciso, however, the NDE, and the extended reconsideration of his life it provided, changed everything, bringing about a total reversal of his previous tendencies and even ameliorated long-standing physical problems. The extent of his transformation is remarkable and his summary of it is worth quoting at length.

I instantly changed from a pessimist to an optimist. There always seemed to be a brighter side to everything. I knew that everything happened for a reason. Sometimes, that reason may not have been clear at first, but in the end, it would all make sense.

The NDE had a sort of physical healing with me. Physical problems that haunted me all my life disappeared afterward. These problems were chronic migraine headaches, for which I had to take pills for years, cramps, and a terribly anxious stomach, which would act up before school every day, soccer games, tests, and in just about all social situations. Before my experience I was the most klutzy, accident-prone fool you could have ever met. All these problems were solved through my NDE.

[But] it was not only a physical healer—my mental state was repaired as well. My outlook on life was no longer bleak and dismal. I felt like I now had a purpose, which was to help people and share my positive perspective. My dependence on time seemed to stop. I no longer felt pressured by the clock—there was always time to do something else or more. I tried to fit in as much as possible into every day. I experienced everything for what it was—not for what it could do or give to me. I was no longer interested in what “society” had to say about how I lived my life. I was no longer interested in what people thought or how they felt about me, or if I looked good or not. I learned that I am much more than my body.

In doing this, other people around me began to accept me for who I was. My feeling of warmth and love flew through from my body and brought me many new friends. I felt comfortable in groups of people to the point that I needed to be surrounded by them. I had no fears of rejection or embarrassment. These were trivial things that [had] no consequence in the larger scheme of things.

Pain—both physical and emotional—seemed to me to be only a state of mind. Physical pain was a very minor discomfort after my NDE. I realized my mortality, unlike most of my friends. The closeness I had with death kept me from foolishly toying with life, mine and others, like I had before. In learning of my mortality, I also learned to accept death, and in a weird way, I look forward to it. I do not fear many things anymore. Instead, I accept them for what they are and apply them to my life. I tend to try new things more readily, since I want to make the most of my new life without missing a thing.

From this large change in my personality, many of the things I valued previously seemed virtually unimportant to me. Money and material objects were not even a secondary thought to me. I became very generous with all of my time and material things. I joined several school philanthropy groups and spent time working in several soup kitchens. The most major change I noticed in myself was the loss of the desire to compete. Competition was the major driving force in my life before my NDE, but afterward, it seemed foolish and unimportant. Sports were still fun, but I lost that killer instinct that helped me get recruited by several universities.

From reading this extract, you can see that in essentially every department of Narciso's life, he has become the opposite of what he had been before his NDE. Although we will review some of these specific changes shortly, it is enough to note for now that his NDE, by turning Narciso inside-out as it were, peeled off his false protective mask and allowed a much more authentic and loving face to show itself to the world. And when it did, the world around him changed accordingly.

And there were other changes, too. Narciso found that he had acquired the ability to reenter that otherworldly state during sleep, where he could, in effect, rehearse actions and test their effects before actually performing them in the physical world. Like many other NDErs, he also seemed to develop an extended range of intuitive and psychic perception that sometimes permitted him to know or sense the outcome of events before they took place. Perhaps his greatest gift, however, lay in his enhanced empathic ability. About this, Narciso comments:

These instincts also allow me to empathize with almost anyone. I feel that when I talk to people, I can physically and emotionally feel what they are going through at that time. It is as if I become them for an instant.. The gift of insight allows me to help many people with their problems, but sometimes [it] gets to the point where there are so many that I lose myself in other people.

In assessing the overall impact of his NDE on his life, Narciso concludes:

I look at it as . a psychological healing process. All of these changes, as well as many little things that I cannot even describe, have moved me for the better. I feel that my NDE was the best thing that ever happened to me.. I see my experience as the most important event in my life. Without my NDE I would not be happy today.

In considering Narciso's NDE, it is abundantly clear that it wrought a profound, life-changing transformation in his personality and behavior, and in his entire outlook on life, and that, indeed, he was “moved for the better.” Perhaps it would not be going too far to claim, if only on the basis of Narciso's own testimony, that his providentially timed NDE may have even saved his life by nearly ending it. By doing so, it seems, the very course of Narciso's life was changed and his downward spiral into repeated failures in school, self-loathing, and even vandalism was thereby abruptly halted and reversed. Of course, it is certainly possible that had his NDE not supervened at this time in his life, he would nevertheless have found his way out of his travails by some other means. Possibly. But, as we have seen, Narciso himself does not appear inclined to think so. For him, it was almost as though the NDE was purposively designed to rescue him from the personal nadir into whose abyss he was poised to fall.

However that may be, our task here is not so much to speculate about the possible meaning of Narciso's experience as to learn from it so as to enhance our own lives. From that standpoint, what lessons are there to be derived from Narciso's transformation that might be generally applicable to anyone? If you examine his account for such insights, for starters, you will come across the following:

There is a reason for everything that happens.
Find your own purpose in life.
Do not be a slave to time.
Appreciate things for what they are—not for what they can give you.
Do not allow yourself to be dominated by the thoughts or expectations of others.
Do not be concerned with what others think of you, either.
Remember, you are not your body.
Fear not—even pain and certainly not death.
Be open to life, and live it to its fullest.
Money and material things are not particularly important in the scheme of things.
Helping others is what counts in life.
Do not trouble yourself with competition—just enjoy the show.

Again, as with the list we extracted from Perico's experience, many of these statements have the ring of the familiar and, indeed, the obvious. But before dismissing them as mere platitudes, consider this angle: What if you were really able to live life this way? What kind of person would you be?

My answer is that you would be a truly free person. You would be forever liberated from the tyranny of others' opinions, from self-doubt, from the fear of life and the fear of death, and from the demands of time. Instead, you would be free to enjoy life as it is and to find fulfillment and joy in helping others.

This, ultimately, is the gift the NDE confers upon its recipient, though, to be sure, the individual must usually work hard to unwrap it. And, in the same way, this is the promise of the NDE to anyone who makes the effort to assimilate its teachings and make them applicable to his or her own life. Narciso's story, remember, is yours if you identify with it. If you do and take it into you deeply, what happened to him should begin to happen to you. You will have taken a step toward your own liberation and finding your authentic self.

Unlike Perico, with whom I have lost contact, I have stayed in touch with Narciso and have had a chance to spend a good deal of time with him. Immediately after taking my NDE course, he enrolled in a special advanced seminar on NDEs and carried out a project designed to determine the effects on undergraduate students of hearing about NDEs. In effect, Narciso gave a number of talks on the subject, in which he, of course, recounted his own story to various student groups on campus and assessed the impact of his presentation by the use of specially designed questionnaires.

During the semester, I had plenty of opportunity to see Narciso in interaction with his fellow students, in conferences with me, and I even interviewed him informally at the end of the semester concerning his life review. From my observations of Narciso in these contexts, I can certainly attest to the fact that he is very much the person he claims to be. I have found him to be unfailingly cheerful, even under stressful conditions, generous-hearted, wise yet humble, and with a lively sense of humor, too. When I last talked with him, at the end of the semester, he was about to leave for Israel to work as a counselor for teenagers touring the country—the sort of activity, he said, that he hopes will be a large part of his life following graduation.

Perhaps my most enduring memory of Narciso, however, is based on the presentation I asked him to make in my introductory NDE course—the very course in which he himself had been a student the previous semester. Appearing with two other outside speakers, Narciso spoke last about his own NDE to his fellow students. His account was poignant, funny—the class was frequently in stitches when Narciso described his appearance following his injury—and spell-binding. When it was over, a number of students—men and women, both—came forward to embrace him warmly and many others gathered around. Some were in tears.

Narciso later told me that maybe sharing his NDE in this way was even better than the experience itself. For my part, it was the highlight of the semester in that class.

Laurita

On the same day Narciso shared his NDE with my students, another NDEr whom I had never previously met also came from a nearby town to tell her story. Her name was Laurita Glass Martin, and she turned out to be a tall, slender brunette, with a gentle, soft-spoken manner, who related easily to my students. Laurita, who is now in her thirties, began by explaining that when she was a senior in college, in the fall of 1982, she was on a tennis scholarship and was planning to go to the National Collegiate Tennis Tournament the following spring, and from there to join the professional tennis circuit that coming summer. But a simple surgical procedure that went awry on December 9 of that year changed everything.

She had gone into the hospital, she told us, to have what was supposed to be a routine twenty-minute laparoscopic surgical procedure. However, her physician, as she learned later, exerted undue force making the initial incision, puncturing her abdominal aorta, her right iliac artery, the inferior vena cava, and her bowel in two places, ultimately hitting her vertebral spine. As a result, Laurita lost almost 60 percent of her blood—and her pulse and, obviously, nearly her life. Before another physician intervened to save Laurita's life by performing an emergency laparotomy, she had already entered the near-death state and had the experience she was soon prepared to describe for us. There was no doubt, however, about her physical proximity to death.

After five hours of reparative surgery, she was taken to the recovery room in critical condition. Afterward, according to Laurita, the physician who had saved her told her, “I snatched you from the jaws of death—your chances of living were slim to none.”

In recounting Laurita's NDE here, I will be drawing on a written account that she had actually furnished me earlier.¹ In it, as she did for my class that day, Laurita indicated that without warning of any kind, she suddenly found herself floating above her physical body, off to the right side, observing with detachment, she says, the efforts of the medical team to revive her lifeless form below. As she narrates her story now, enter into it as before, and feel it as if it were happening to you.

The surgical team was frantic. Red was everywhere, splattered on their gowns, splattered on the floor, and a bright pool of flowing red blood, in the now-wide-open abdominal cavity. I couldn't understand what was going on down there. I didn't even make the connection, at that moment, that the body being worked on was my own. It didn't matter anyway. I was in a state of freedom, having a great time. I just wanted to shout to the distressed people below, “Hey, I'm okay. It's great up here.” But they were so intent, I felt like I didn't want to interrupt their efforts.

I then traveled to another realm of total and absolute peace. There was no pain, but instead a sense of well-being, in a warm, dark, soft space. I was enveloped by total bliss in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance. The darkness was beautiful, stretching on and on. The freedom of total peace was intensified beyond any ecstatic feeling ever felt here on earth. In the distance, I saw a horizon of whitish-yellowish light. I find it very difficult to describe where I was, because the words we know here in this plane just aren't adequate enough.

I was admiring the beauty of the light but never got any closer because next I felt a presence approaching from my right, upper side. I was feeling even more peaceful and happy, especially when I discovered it was my thirty-year-old brother-in-law who had died seven months earlier. Although I couldn't see with my eyes or hear with my ears, I instinctively knew that it was him. He didn't have a physical form, but a presence. I could feel, hear, and see his smile, laughter, and sense of humor. It was as if I had come home, and my brother-in-law was there to greet me. I instantly thought how glad I was to be with him because now I could make up for the last time I had seen him before his death. I felt bad about not taking the time out of my busy schedule to have a heart-to-heart talk with him when he had asked me to. I felt no remorse now, but total acceptance and love from him about my actions.

Reflecting on her behavior toward her brother-in-law seems to lead Laurita back further into her life and, before she knows it, events from her childhood begin to appear to her, all at once, yet in chronological order. She mentions two specific incidents. In one,

I had teased a little girl my own age (five years old) to the point of tears. I was now in a unique position to feel what that little girl had felt. Her frustration, her tears, and her feeling of separateness were now my feelings. I felt a tremendous amount of compassion for this child. This child, who was actually me, needed love, nurturing and forgiveness. I hadn't realized that by hurting another, I was really just hurting myself.

In the other incident that Laurita relived:

I had made fun of a boy my own age (twelve years old) for writing me a love letter. At that point again, I experienced his pain of rejection that became my pain and at the same time felt this tremendous amount of love for this boy and myself. He died a few years later from a cerebral aneurysm. I hadn't remembered these events and thought they were insignificant, until I reviewed them with objectivity and love. I now realized how important people were in life, how important it was to be accepting of them, and above all else, love them. I wasn't proud of those experiences, but they were part of my makeup and I was accepting of them.

Other thoughts were conveyed to me, and I remember thinking, “Wow, now I get it. Everything about our existence finally makes sense.” I finally got around to questioning my brother-in-law (not with words but more [like] transference) about what was happening and asked him if I could stay. He told me it wasn't my time yet, that there had been a mistake, and that I had to go back. I remember thinking, “Okay, I'll go back, but I know how I can get back up here.” At that same instant, his thoughts were mine, saying, “You can't take your own life (suicide).² That isn't the answer, that won't do it. You have to live your life's purpose.” I understood, but I still remember thinking, I don't want to go back, and his thought came to me, saying, “It's okay, we're not going anywhere. We'll be here for you again.” The last thought of his was “Tell your sister I'm fine.”

With those final thoughts, I felt myself going back, dropping downward instantly through darkness. I didn't feel that I had a choice. I didn't feel afraid, but rather calm. Then, instantly, I felt myself slam into my body.. At that point, I felt the most incredible searing pain imaginable in my abdomen, all the way through to my backbone.. I couldn't believe I was returned to such a hellish environment, but then the beauty of the experience flooded back to me, giving me the most serene peace and calm I could hope for under the circumstances.

Laurita was back, but her physical ordeal, as she intimated, was hardly over. In fact, she had to go through additional surgery for a blood clot, and for several days, it was not clear that she would survive. Nevertheless, as is obvious now, she did make it, and afterward, she kept a journal about what had happened to her during this time. About it she says,

I. left out the NDE because I didn't trust anyone. The initial reaction I got from my family was, “Be quiet, we don't want to talk about it. We just want you to get better.” The health care professionals shrugged it off by saying, “You're highly medicated. You're taking shots of morphine every two–three hours.”

Years later, in writing up this account, she remarks,

If I had only known that by talking about my NDE, and by acknowledging the event, my healing process would have been easier. However, I obviously had more lessons to learn because the next seven years were filled with rehabilitation (physical therapy), diagnostic tests and reparative surgery.

Laurita, however, was not bitter about her NDE, whatever the reactions it may have elicited from her family and those who treated her. Like most NDErs, she remains grateful for her experience, and her reflections on what she has learned from her experience, which concludes her statement, echo those we have heard before from Perico and Narciso.

After the NDE, value changes came. I felt that the materialism and external stuff that was a big focus before just didn't matter anymore. My priorities in life took a complete turnaround. I felt there was a purpose for my life, even down to the smallest detail of being kind to others spontaneously and freely, loving more deeply, [and] being nonjudgmental and accepting of one's self and others. I also got a strong message about the importance of always seeking knowledge. I no longer fear death and, in fact, will welcome it when it is the right time—and that's only for the universal, supreme power to decide. Until then, though, I try to enjoy each day like it's my last and live more consciously in the moment. Now that I have acknowledged and am coming to terms with my NDE, I am seeing, feeling, and living through some magnificent changes. I'm finally feeling much healthier: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I no longer take any medications, which was a monumental step, after at one time taking thirty-six pills per day. I have a love for life that is driven by the pure pleasure of appreciating each new day. I know my healing is a process and comes from within. I feel that I've been given a second chance in life and the more I share a part of myself, the more I feel at peace and at one with the universe.

Included as an appendix to the document describing her NDE, Laurita had written out a brief statement that itemized the principal aftereffects of her experience. When I first read it over, I smiled to myself, for Laurita appeared to be a classic case as far as the effects of her NDE were concerned. In my research for my books, Heading toward Omega and The Omega Project, for example, I had found strong evidence for virtually all of the changes Laurita had specified for herself. However, when we went to lunch that day after her presentation, I was in for a surprise. Laurita, who had been referred to me by a colleague, confessed with some embarrassment that, actually, she had never read any of my books! So she could hardly be accused of trying to furnish me with merely a warmed-over version of my own findings to ingratiate herself (not that I would have imagined that for a moment, mind you!).

I would like to share this list of Laurita's with you now as a way of summing up both the lessons for life generally stemming from her NDE and its impact on her own life. Reading it, you will have a very good indication of what is true for many persons in their lives after an NDE. Indeed, it is as good and succinct a psychological portrait of the NDEr afterward as I have ever come across.

Increased love for all people and all things

Increased sensitivity

Electromagnetic changes

Increased psychic ability

Seeing energy—auras, chakras

No fear of death

Lessened fear of many things

Decreased worry—surrendering to the divine plan

Reincarnation beliefs

Vegetarianism

Major relationship change—divorce

Career change

Less religious and more spiritual

Living each day like it is my last

Living more consciously in the moment

Increased concern for our planet—mother earth

Deepened appreciation of nature and the environment

Knowing that the greatest gift of all is giving love to self and others

Approaching all humanity and all creation with nonjudgment and complete acceptance

Less materialistic—seeing the “big picture” of life

Understanding we have a divine purpose in life

Understanding the challenges we face are simply lessons to learn here in earth school

Knowing with certainty always to follow my truth and to surrender to the flow of the universe

Meeting and listening to Laurita was itself a spiritual experience of a kind. Like other NDErs I have known, she communicates directly what she lives and is. Perhaps even without meeting her, she has conveyed something of her essence to you through her words alone. In any case, I hope you will ponder with profit her story and the lessons for living that shine through it, and linger over it for a while before passing on to the next account.

As for Laurita herself, I have not seen her again, though I have kept in touch with her by letter and phone. She is now happily remarried and, until recently, when she had to take time off to have a baby (her conception was in itself almost a miracle, she told me), had been working as a physical therapist. In talking with her and her husband the day they both came to the university, I came away with the very strong impression that Laurita is deeply committed to living her life according to the spiritual principles and understanding she has glimpsed through her NDE. Even though her experience happened more than a dozen years ago, on the day we met, she seemed to me clearly to be living in the Light.

In reading these accounts I have so far presented, you might be tempted to assume that the beauty of the experience itself confers an unalloyed blessing on the NDEr's life afterward. If so, I must immediately disabuse you of such an idealized, if understandable, impression. Many, I dare say, most NDErs have a difficult time coming to terms with their experience, and the process of its integration into their lives may take a long time—and, certainly, in some cases, it does not occur at all. Longstanding relationships may be strained to and beyond the breaking point, marriages collapse, misunderstandings are common, and periods of painful introspection and even depression are not rare. The NDE, as we have seen, tends to turn a person's life topsy-turvy, and the radical reorientation and personal courage to live out the truth of one's NDE may be very taxing indeed, both to the NDEr and his or her family and friends.

Sonia

A case in point is a woman named Sonia. Several years ago, she called me at my office, hoping to talk with someone about the problems she was having coping after her NDE, which had taken place many years before, in 1977. Sonia, who lives in a small town in Colorado, shared with me some of her difficulties that day over the telephone, particularly in regard to her family, but, as it happened, I was able to meet with her personally not long afterward when I was vacationing in Colorado. At that time, I spent a good part of the day with Sonia in her home and met several of her children. We have been friends ever since, and over the years, I have received many letters from her in which she has often spoken candidly of the difficulties living with her NDE has posed for her and her family.

To give you a sense of Sonia, I should tell you that she is now forty-seven years old, and is of Mexican descent. A Catholic, she has a high school education, and she married young. With her husband, she has four children, ranging in age from seventeen to twenty-four, to whom she is very close. Though a recent illness has left her currently unemployed, she has mostly worked in various social service agencies and done a great deal of volunteer work. Physically, Sonia is small, a little overweight, with dark, deeply compassionate eyes. When I met her, I had the impression that she was a very loving, if somewhat troubled, woman, and her letters have certainly reinforced that conviction.

Sonia's NDE occurred as a result of a severe hemorrhage ten days after the birth of her youngest child. Relatives were summoned and an ambulance was called. Once Sonia's body was placed in the ambulance, she, like Narciso, found herself elsewhere during the ride to the hospital.

You know what [she wrote to me in a letter]? I felt like I was above the ambulance en route to the hospital. I felt myself floating above it, although my body was still in it. Then, we arrived, and it took some time before . I was taken into the emergency room. I felt I was going to die, but I don't recall being afraid.

Her physician tried to stem the bleeding but was unsuccessful, and surgery was deemed necessary. Sonia remembers being aware of the doctors and nurses moving around her, but

I felt so good. I didn't feel any pain.. Before the anaesthetic was given, the doctor said to me, “You might go in and come out okay, but you might not, due to severe bleeding.” I was classified as a high risk. [I have copies of all of Sonia's medical records, which confirm all the essential details of her condition, though, of course, they do not mention the words she says were spoken to her by her physician.] I didn't give it a second thought because I felt so good.

The last [thing] I remember [was] my doctor's assistant standing by my bed and then I felt I left my body, and I could see it down below on the bed. I don't know how long I stayed above my body looking down at it, [but] suddenly, I was in the most beautiful Golden Light, and I stayed there. I felt so loved, calm, peaceful, happy. I can't find words to express what it was like. The Golden Light was all around me, all within me. I was in the Golden Light with no separation whatsoever. I didn't think of anyone or anything. Being there, I needed not a thing. Such powerful love, and so much love, so much beauty there. I felt love, compassion, understanding, knowledge. There is my true home, and here is my earthly home.

Later, I saw beautiful flowers as I walked a beautiful path with someone on my right side dressed in a brown robe. We were walking up a mountain—beauty, beauty, beauty—flowers I had never seen before.

I don't know how long I was in the Golden Light, but suddenly I found myself returning to my body . and then I opened my eyes, and a nurse said they were worried about me. I was so angry I felt like punching her! I was one angry Mexican! I wanted to be left alone.

Sonia goes on to say that although she felt badly for insisting, she told her family please to leave her alone, that she didn't have anything to say to them. After she was discharged from the hospital, she continued to feel disturbed and “different.” As she explains:

I felt like [there were] two of me, angry, depressed, and I didn't want to be here. I wanted the beautiful Light, yet my children needed me. [After six months had passed] I continued to feel different, strange, weird, depressed, crying.. I stayed very busy and didn't have anyone to share my NDE with, and didn't know what I experienced. I did mention it to [my husband] at some time, but he had no interest.. I tried to talk with nurses, doctors, and so on, [but] they would [tell me] it was a dream, hallucination, medication, and so on, and said I should just forget it, [but] I can't forget it nor would I want to.

Fortunately, Sonia eventually learned about NDEs, read some books on the subject, and then called me. In time, she met a number of people in her own community who could relate to her sensitively and with understanding, and this helped to ease her feeling of isolation. For Sonia, it was very important to find persons who could appreciate what she had been through, as well as what she was continuing to experience in dealing with the ramifications of her NDE. Her life has not become easier after her experience, however, and partly because she has received no significant measure of support or understanding from her husband, she has often been on the point of leaving her marriage, but for her children's sake, she has not.

Nevertheless, in her many letters to me, Sonia has often expressed the deepest gratitude for her NDE, for the continuing comfort its living memory brings to her, and for the lessons of love and compassion it has taught her. In one of her letters, for instance, she confided:

I'm trying very hard here on earth, but I know where my true home is and how it feels. I remember it like it was today. I went directly to the Most Beautiful Golden Light. Real True Love. So much peace, protection, calmness. I didn't think or worry about anything. My beautiful Golden Light was around me, all through me, and I thank God for the Warmth of the Special Golden Light. I feel it so strong within me all the time.. I still feel the light in me and all around me. Ken, I also don't fear death. I feel like I would like to do so much for the family, for others, for myself. And I will continue to do what is honest and fair, with God's guidance.

We learn lessons from the NDE in Sonia's experience, too, of course, but the ones I need to emphasize here are different and certainly more disquieting than those we have considered thus far. Most people, when they hear or read accounts of NDEs, feel a certain amount of envy, wishing that they too could have the experience (without, to be sure, having to go to the trouble of nearly dying for the privilege). But if they could really get under the skin and into the psyche of the NDEr, they would soon realize that the NDE is often a mixed blessing and may continue to extract a high cost in suffering from the individual's life, as it has for Sonia.

I mention and, indeed, want to emphasize this in order to caution you that to the extent you begin to manifest these changes in your own life and try to live in accordance with the lessons and values of the NDE, you can also expect to confront difficulties and unexpected challenges. Do not think, for instance, that your family and friends will necessarily approve of or even understand your new behavior and attitudes.

Do not suppose for a moment that you will not experience inner conflict, and even a significant degree of emotional turmoil, as these changes begin to take root in you. Change is hard, and change without a significant degree of social support is even harder. If you want the benefits of the NDE, however, you will have to work for them and overcome the resistance you will encounter. Our society, after all, while it may accord nominal approval to many of the ideals of the NDE, often undermines them in practice.

Even a moment's reflection on the behavioral implications of the NDE is sufficient to convince most people that the NDE is itself a subversive phenomenon in the sense that it undercuts the crasser forms of the American Dream.

Swim in the current of the NDE for long and you will find yourself encountering powerful opposing forces. Be prepared for them and seek shelter when necessary. Like Sonia, you may also find that you will have to seek new friends as well.

Esteban

Another person who has encountered much turbulence and inner conflict in his life following his NDE is my friend, Esteban. He is the only NDEr to whom you are being introduced in this chapter that I have never met personally (though we plan to get together soon), but somehow I feel I have come to know him very well as a result of the many letters and E-mail communications Esteban has sent me during the past year, in addition to a number of long telephone conversations we have had. In fact, I would estimate that I have received more than 300 pages of Esteban's writings since he first got in touch with me in October 1993, as a result of which my file on him is already threatening to require a drawer of its own! He is, without question, one of the most brilliant, insightful, and deeply spiritual NDErs I have encountered in my nearly twenty years of research. And he is also one who has suffered much in his life, and suffers still more because of what he has learned from his NDE and other similar experiences.

Esteban, who lives in southern California, is forty-three, married with three children, and works as a computer software engineer. He never completed college, but, as you will see, is something of an autodidact.

When he first wrote to me, he wanted to unburden himself of some of the conflicts he had been experiencing in trying to reconcile what he had learned from his NDE with the world of his everyday life. To begin with, however, Esteban told me a bit about his NDE and how it had changed him.

In Esteban's case, it is not clear to me that he was actually near death when he had his experience, which occurred during minor surgery, but the procedure did take much longer than expected, and he was told afterward that the surgeon did have “some trouble” performing the operation. Still, as has been well established, we know that one does not necessarily have to be close to physical death to have an NDE; there are many stressful but not life-threatening conditions that can precipitate an NDE or a functionally similar experience. And, in the end, it is, of course, the experience itself that counts, whatever may trigger it.

In 1975, when Esteban was twenty-four, he underwent oral surgery in which some impacted wisdom teeth were to be removed. Before the procedure, Esteban was injected with a sedative in his left arm and was later given sodium pentothal. That did not seem to take, and the surgeon, with some exasperation, then injected a total of four cartridges. After the surgery was completed—some two hours later!—Esteban was taken to a dark, windowless, postoperative recovery room and, while there, had his experience.

I awakened from the surgery, blinded by a river of white light. I thought it was an aftereffect of the general anesthesia. I thought it was odd that it pushed beyond my optic nerve and went through my entire body. I immediately rose to my feet and looked at the nurse who had helped me up.

She wasn't a nurse. She was clothed in light, extraordinarily beautiful and loving. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and I almost cry when I think about it. She wore a loose-fitting white gown, and it gave off light of its own.. The light around her was flooding into me, and seemed to pour into everything.. The light that shone from the center of her was gloriously beautiful. This light, combined with her coloring, had an astonishing impact on me. The facial features were overpowered by this inner radiance. I could literally feel her love and care.. I had the impression that she knew me very well, and that I was very familiar to her, but she didn't say.

I looked back and down at my body, still lying on the recovery couch under a blanket. Here I was, standing beside a being of light, looking at my body. Something seemed wrong.

Before I reasoned it through, she intercepted my thoughts, and said, “Don't worry, you're not dead. You're quite alive. Your heart is still beating. Look!” I looked, I could see into it. I could see the chambers emptying and filling with blood. I could see the vascular system and the life-sustaining materials working their way through the entire body. I turned away, contented that things were all right.

Just as I started to wonder why she was there, and what was wrong with my body, she intercepted my thought again, and said, “You're not breathing regularly. There is some concern that your respiration might stop. I'm here to stabilize it and make sure the problem doesn't go any further. You are very valuable, and no one is willing to take any chances with your life.”

She led me off to the side, and I [again] looked back at my body, lying in the couch. Two walls separated us. She had a veil of energy to her back. It separated her world from mine.. I understood immediately that I wasn't allowed to go through there. “It's a one-way path. If you go through there, you can't come back here. Your life will be over, and you won't have done the things you need to do.” Brilliant shards of light in all colors danced around the opening. They appeared and disappeared, as if the light energy was being fragmented and shattered at the contact point between two worlds at different energy levels.

I felt wonderful, and not too surprised—this was not the first time I had met someone like her. Her light was a signature that identified her, and I had seen that light before. To see her was to fall in love with her instantly. I never wanted to leave her. It may be that she felt the circumstances provided an unfair comparison to my wife. She showed me some details about my children [who were not yet born] and revealed a view of another woman even more lovely and desirable—the wife I was married to. She then said it was time to return, that my breathing had stabilized, and that my nervous system was able to work on its own.. I saw her light begin to withdraw from me as she retreated from my view. This light persisted for two or three seconds as I awakened, while my wife was holding my face in her hands.

Was what Esteban experienced merely an effect of the drug he had been given? Esteban himself considered that possibility—and rejected it.

People told me it was an hallucination caused by the drugs. I've had sodium pentothal before and never had such an experience. In fact, it wasn't pleasant the first time I had it.. [Years later] after reading Melvin Morse's³ account of people who were drawn to NDE studies but didn't believe they had experienced an NDE, I came across an account very much like mine in the outline of events and began to realize that it may not have been a drug-induced hallucination.

Of course, drug-induced hallucinations do not ordinarily bring about dramatic changes in people's lives, and, as we will learn shortly, the effects of this and other similar experiences in Esteban's life have been nothing short of astounding. But before we look into these aftereffects, it is necessary for me to clarify something that may have puzzled you when you were reading Esteban's narrative of his NDE. At one point, he tells us that the light he glimpsed during his experience was already familiar to him—he had seen it before. When?

Well, the fact is that five years earlier Esteban had had another NDE as a result of a severe liver infection and had had a few other “light experiences,” as he calls them, as well around the same period of his life, though these were not associated with any life-threatening crisis. In the context of his life, then, the NDE Esteban has just related for us might be best regarded as something of a culmination of a series of related transcendental experiences. In any event, they signified the beginning of some momentous shifts in Esteban's life and seem also to be linked with the development of some extraordinary proclivities.

My personality changed after those experiences, and I was never able to get along with my parents and family members after that. They said I was a flower child, a nonconformist without a purpose. People considered me a weak personality who couldn't accomplish anything.

I suddenly felt tremendously ignorant. I started buying books. I filled up notebooks on histories of different nations, on archeology, and on philosophies.

I found I could memorize and play a Bach prelude and fugue with only a few hours of preparation, whereas before I had to struggle for weeks to learn a piece of music.

After his NDE at age twenty-four, he says, many of the changes he had already noticed began to accelerate, and some of his conflicts and problems started becoming increasingly painful.

[At that time] I worked in my family's business. My father was a very competitive businessman. He was an important man in the church. He knew the Bible backward and forward. He was a motivational speaker and sales trainer with a national reputation. He taught me that I could never succeed unless I developed an intense, burning desire for money and riches. I really tried, but I was never able to feel a burning desire for money. I was able to work effectively: I won some sales contests and later managed his business well enough to earn the respect of his clients and competitors. But they never accepted my “soft” personality. “Lowkey” was the nicest word they could put on it.

They found my changed viewpoint unbearable. My ability to see the future, and my tendency to react and answer the private thoughts and intentions of my father's business associates, rather than their outward, polished manners, was very disturbing to everyone. I had to retrain myself to listen and think on two levels—face value and true feelings. Unless I was on guard, I would respond to questions by answering what was in the person's inner thoughts and motives, rather than to the face value of their words. My success was a nonconforming accident. I was never in a hurry. I was never competitive. The ones who were less generous told me I wasn't really a man.

Meanwhile, whenever Esteban was free of the demands of his business life he threw himself into self-education projects, which eventually were to extricate him from the prison house of his family's firm.

At twenty-six, I started buying books and learning languages. First French, then Spanish. After two semesters, I started on Don Quixote and read Voltaire's Philosophical Letters. Then, I returned to Portuguese [he had previously lived in Brazil]. At twenty-eight, I studied history and philosophy. At twenty-nine, I began excursions into particle physics and electronics. At thirty-two, I started designing oscillators and low-noise amplifiers. One of them is in an orbiting satellite. At thirty-six, I started designing microprocessors. I'm forty-two now. As a professional programmer, I write about 40,000 lines of C-language a year.

Esteban still reads voraciously and widely:

I bought about 150 books last year. I went through most of them. They were on history, philosophy, other religions, astronomy, physics, and archeology. Excepting masterworks and classics, I don't read fiction anymore.

Now very successful in his work and an obvious bibliophile, Esteban still has time to explore hobbies such as astronomy (he has two telescopes) and photography (he specializes in wild birds—I have one of his photographs of a pelican in my office—and flowers). Yet, like many other NDErs, he complains that he is too sensitive.

I can't watch TV cop shows. I think it's obscene to show a killing without remorse. My teenagers and I have a running battle about their TV selections. A TV show with a graphic murder is rated “X” in our home. If they watch a violent show, I can feel what they see even if I'm in another room, and it upsets me. They think I'm weird. Nothing causes me more pain than to have my family members quarreling.

I can't give up what I've seen. Nothing else really matters. Just driving on the freeway, sensing the anger other people have, is painful to me.

He has problems when he is in church, too.

I love God more than anything. But I almost can't go to church. I can't sit through a class.. I can't relate to the shame and guilt in the lessons. The discussions on guilt and sin don't hold any relevance for me, and don't make me happy. They don't fit into any of the experiences I've had.. I tried opening these subjects gently and cautiously with local church leaders, and they don't respond well. So I drop it.

When my life is not as it should be, I feel emotional pain, and I change as fast as I can. But the numerous rules and regulations don't hold any meaning for me. They don't move my heart at all. The laws seem like preparatory steps for something better. I know there's more.

These days, Esteban says, he can find some comfort in literature, especially that in which “real religion” is taught. He is very fond of the writings of Antoine de Saint-Exupery, who is best known of course for his classic story, The Little Prince. In another of his books, Terres des Hommes, Esteban tells me, there is another tale, apparently based on Saint-Exupery's own experience as a pilot.

His plane crashed, and he had gone seven days with little or no water. He was past the pain of dying when a Bedouin picked him off the sand and gently lowered his face into a bowl of water. He looked up into the desert-dweller's wrinkled face and saw all of his friends, all of his enemies, all of mankind, and felt an eternal love. After that time, he said, he couldn't find any hatred for Arabs, Germans, Turks, or for any people. The only thing he hated was deliberate ignorance and insensitivity to other people's feelings.

It is easy to grasp why Esteban would resonate so strongly with Saint-Exupery's epiphany in the desert, especially since Esteban finds himself in a kind of spiritual desert of his own, looking for an oasis of understanding from someone among those to whom he is naturally drawn. To me, Esteban is a sobering example of a man who has, perhaps, seen too much, experienced and absorbed too much of the Light, ever to be wholly comfortable in the ordinary world. He suffers for what he knows and for the pain of those who remain ignorant of what the Light teaches.

Yet, at the same time, people like Esteban are a bright beacon for others who are drawn to know what he does, and for them he is an incomparable teacher. To me, he is a being of light in his own right, a source of illumination, who instructs by his very being and through the medium of his plain-spoken language of the heart.

In another of his letters to me, Esteban said, “There is no greater sermon than the lives we live (and no greater observers than our children).” It is aphoristic gems like these that make me look forward to hearing from Esteban. He has been one of my teachers, too, and the lessons he imparts are, I hope you will now agree, the pure gold of the NDE.

Petra

Another, and our final, messenger from the Light is a woman named Petra Holladay, who wrote me in 1989 about her NDE, sending me at the time a seventeen-page document describing her experience and the lessons it so forcibly impressed upon her. Had I space here, I would be tempted to quote her statement in full because of its power and profundity, but I will have to be content with sharing with you some excerpts from this and another account she later mailed to me, in order to give you a sense of Petra's experience. They will be sufficient, I think, to make it obvious that her journey to the Light was taken, in effect, on behalf of all of us.

After hearing from Petra, I naturally wrote her back to express my deep appreciation, and a year later, we were able to meet at a conference on NDEs in Washington. Petra turned out to be a dark-haired, attractive woman who, at the time, appeared to be in her midthirties. She was married, had two children, and her joy in life was singing. She had been featured in some musicals (she later was to send me a video of one her performances, in Jerome Kern's Showboat), and, as I was to learn, is also a talented portraitist and inventor. In summary, she is a woman of obvious creative gifts, and in her personal manner, she is highly enthusiastic and very warm.

On Christmas morning, 1973, when Petra was in her early twenties and living in Dallas, she was involved in a serious automobile accident, during which she suffered a potentially fatal compound skull fracture. She does not remember having an NDE as such at the time (of course, the term itself did not exist then), but afterward did recall having then puzzling images of seeing her body lying on the ground and later being placed into an ambulance. Nevertheless, this experience was a turning point in Petra's life and brought about radical changes in her personality, worldview, and patterns of social interaction.

For one thing, she was possessed by a desire to return to college and took subjects in previously uncongenial areas, such as chemistry and biology, and discovered she excelled in them. She was learning in an entirely new way, and reminiscent of Esteban, she comments:

It was as if I was “seeing” things from a much greater depth of understanding!!! Needless to say, the absolute joy of learning was incredibly new to me and my mind felt like it was literally starving for new and interesting information. I couldn't pile it in fast enough.

For another, she found her friendships and lifestyle changing. Previously a frequent partier and something of a clown socially, she gradually realized these superficial roles no longer suited her: “After my head injury, I couldn't relate to my old life anymore. I was a different person, and everyone who had known me was starting to see that.”

She began to have unusual mystical experiences in which she felt “the most profound joy I have ever known,” and also to have conscious out-of-body experiences. Raised a Baptist, she felt a pull to return to her religion, but after a few months found that she could no longer relate to what she describes as “traditional Christian dogma.” But perhaps the most soul-stretching change Petra was undergoing at this time was in her experience of empathic love. In this connection, she relates the following illustrative incidents:

I can remember many times I had the strong urge to hug total strangers with overpowering feelings of care and concern. I didn't understand where all this empathy was coming from, but I just knew it felt beautiful, even though I couldn't hug them.. A handful of times when this happened I was able to pick up on their thoughts. I actually read their minds and, at the same time, felt great love for them.

However, the most memorable experience I had after my head injury was with two fellow students I had met in an English class. We had only talked briefly on a few occasions about the assignments, but I can remember feeling a strange bond, almost as if they were my younger brother and sister since they were eighteen and twenty-two. I was not prepared for the feeling that went through me one day as we talked. It only lasted for about 1½ to 2 minutes but was a LOVE so incredibly powerful and intensely deep that I was astounded and even in a state of shock as it went through me. I never knew such a LOVE existed. As I talked to them and looked into their eyes I loved them in a way human beings are not capable of loving (not yet, anyway). I not only knew what they both were thinking but, if you can imagine this, I became them!! There are no words or, for that matter, even human emotions at this point to describe how much I loved those two people in that 1½-minute span. I had never felt such a love for another human being before or since that experience, even my own children and I worship them!! Although I was never quite sure where that feeling came from, I knew it was not from this world.

Anyone familiar with the literature on the aftereffects of NDEs would by now have realized that the changes Petra was undergoing after her head injury are all typical of persons who have themselves had NDEs. Could Petra have had one, without fully being aware of it?

The answer is, most certainly. In the course of my own research, for instance, I have encountered quite a few persons, especially those who have been involved in vehicular crashes, who for sometime afterward, even years, have no conscious recall of an NDE. They suffer from what is called “retrograde amnesia.” Then, eventually, something triggers a partial memory, and like a long-forgotten dream, the experience comes flooding back.

Something like this appears to have happened to Petra, too, for thirteen years later, while riding in a van similar to the one in which her accident occurred, on her way to Dallas, where it took place, she seems to have had a conscious recollection of at least fragments of her earlier experience. Whatever the explanation, however, what came to her that day is the very essence of the ultimate teachings of the Light, as it is presented to the minds of NDErs, and for this alone, Petra's statement is of enormous value and relevance to us.

On August 22, 1986, Petra was in the van her husband was driving when she was emotionally overcome by some sorrowful lyrics of a song playing on the radio. She experienced a wave of all-consuming empathy for people and, overwhelmed by the suddeness and depth of her reaction, went to the back of the van to lie down. Trying to relax, she paradoxically found her heart to be racing, pounding, she says, “as if I had been doing some hard aerobic exercise for twenty-five minutes.” Gradually, her breathing slowed down, however, and she found herself immersed in the “blackest blackness” but was not afraid. She felt totally peaceful and ecstatic and, at the same time, “locked into” the experience that was about to unfold.

I can remember not knowing where I was while I was floating, but I seemed to be so caught up in feeling great I didn't really think about it. That is, until I saw over my left shoulder a small but bright light. I never felt like I was in a tunnel zooming to the light, but rather just serenely floating in blackness while the light came to me. The light was round and did get bigger and bigger VERY FAST, so I could have been zooming through a tunnel even though I didn't feel it. As everyone says who has ever seen this light, it looks like the brightest blue-white light in your imagination—multiplied by 10,000. I was a little scared when the light first zoomed to me (or me to it), even though it didn't hurt my eyes like I thought it would. In fact, the more I looked at it, the more mesmerized I became with peacefulness. The light was extremely soothing and joyful to “take in..” I clearly and instantly knew the light was not just a Light but was ALIVE! It had a personality and was intelligence beyond comprehension.. I knew the light was a being. I also knew that the light being was God and was genderless.

Furthermore, I felt the light “talking” . with a communication so sophisticated that my mind could not decipher what was being said.. I began to sense the light knew me VERY WELL right before it surrounded me completely.

Nevertheless, Petra was able to understand what the Light was communicating to her, and also began to experience the energy of the light. “I KNEW completely without any shadow of a doubt that it was the strongest force in existence. It was the Energy of Pure Love. I thought, “I can't wait to tell people.”

And the Light began to teach her in response to questions Petra now thinks she must have asked:

The light showed me the world is an illusion. All I remember about this is looking down [at what she took to be the earth] . and thinking, “My God, it's not real, it's not real!” It was like all material things were just “props” for our souls, including our bodies. Heavier things we can see are of a lower reality and are real, but not like we think they are. There are invisible things to us now from higher levels that are far, far, far, more real. I thought, “I've GOT to remember this!”

In this state, Petra soon noticed that her mind was functioning in an extraordinary manner, making many of the insights she was receiving self-evident:

In this place, whatever it is, I did not have the limited consciousness I have on earth. It felt like I had 125 senses to our normal five. You could do, think, comprehend, and so on, you name it, with no effort at all. It's as if the facts are right before you in plain sight with no risk of misinterpretation because the truth just is! Nothing is hidden. Communication is done by your thinking your question and answer. Well-formed thoughts would just pop into your mind and you would know it came from another source. You would project your own thoughts that way, too. In this other realm, things like truths were just there before you and all you had to do was just think of what you wanted to know and there it was. The mind was paramount, and one thing that astonished me was my ability to think as many things as I liked all at the same time. I can remember how stunned I was when I realized I was thinking many, many thoughts at the same time with complete comprehension and ease.

Other revelations poured into Petra. Time also was an illusion, she learned. Horrific events on earth had an inner meaning that humans, with their limited and parochial understanding, could never hope to fathom. “I wanted to sob with pure joy,” Petra says, “at the perfection of all creation.” But of all the things Petra took in, in this state of tremendously expanded consciousness, the most meaningful to her, and perhaps to us, had to do with the all-pervading and primary nature of love in the universe.

I continued to see some other amazing truths. One was when the light told me everything was Love, and I mean everything! I had always felt love was just a human emotion people felt from time to time, never in my wildest dreams thinking it was literally EVERYTHING!

I was shown how much all people are loved. It was overwhelmingly evident that the light loved everyone equally without any conditions! I really want to stress this, because it made me so happy to know we didn't have to believe or do certain things to be loved. WE ALREADY WERE AND ARE, NO MATTER WHAT! The light was extremely concerned and loving toward all people. I can remember looking at the people together and the light asking me to “love the people.” I wanted to cry, I felt so deeply for them.. I thought, “If they could only know how much they're loved, maybe they wouldn't feel so scared or lonely anymore.”

Then, as if to drive home the incomprehensible immensity of this love so that she would never forget it, Petra received an infusion of the light's energy:

I vividly recall the part where the light did what felt like switch on a current of pure, undiluted, concentrated unconditional LOVE. This love I experienced in the light was so powerful it can't be compared to earthly love, even though earthly love is a much milder version. It's like knowing that the very best love you feel on earth is diluted to about one part per million of the real thing. As this stream of pure love went through me, I felt as if the light was saying simultaneously, “I love you COMPLETELY and ENTIRELY as you are, BECAUSE YOU ARE.

Right at that moment, I began to sob deeply, feeling like I didn't deserve that much pure love and had done too many things wrong. All the while I was feeling this horrible sadness and wrenching unworthiness, I remember being loved by the light. It never once stopped loving me and I'll never forget the impression this made on me. I thought, “There is more love here than anything else..” It was like being bathed in energy particles of pure love. And while this radiant and energizing love was streaming through me, I KNEW, if only for a few seconds, I was totally one with the light. I knew there was nothing wrong with me in any way. NOTHING! Just for a few moments, I didn't think or feel perfection—I WAS PERFECTION. I wasn't just with the light. I became the light. I became everything at the same time!!

Perhaps we may now recall, with greater understanding of its source, that staggering outpouring of empathic love Petra described in connection with the two students she befriended in college. (“I never knew such a LOVE existed.. I knew it was not from this world.”) And in this connection, Petra now feels she took home an important lesson about the healing power of unconditional love as a result of her receiving a direct transmission of it during her encounter with the light.

One of the many beliefs I have formed from this experience is that whenever unconditional love is bestowed upon an individual, no matter what the strength or from what source (a person or the light), it causes a purging of “unloving energy” or self-hating energy (which are all illusions) to come into the consciousness of the individual to be examined and discharged. Thus, the individual's level of consciousness is raised every time this is done.

Petra herself, however, at this point in her journey, having absorbed these and other lessons from the Light, was about to begin her return to earth. While still bathed in the Light, she was asked if she “could do this forever?”

I remember hesitating for a second, thinking about my family, I guess, but I definitely said YES.. Upon feeling even one moment of this pure energy, any human being alive would fall to his or her knees and deeply sob with unbridled and uninhibited joy at the perfection of the universe. I was willing to give up everything I had loved on earth to stay with that profound state of bliss.

But for reasons we will never know, Petra's wish was not granted by the Light, and she found herself heading back, forced to enter her body, she says, as if it had in the meantime become a rock. On doing so, she found her eyes full of tears and “was in a state of shock, wondering what the heck had happened to me!”

Nevertheless, the insights from the Light continued to flow into her even after this experience, just as they did for Narciso after his NDE, and, as we have seen before, at this point, rather than having the quality of ultimate revelation, they tend to have a more personal significance for the individual. It is almost as if the Light, having delivered itself of its universal truths, now seeks to inform the individual how all of this knowledge is to be used in his or her life. In Petra's case, the implications were similar to those that were disclosed to Perico, and had to do with music.

First, however, Petra states a lesson from the Light in more general terms:

One thing I [learned] was that we are ALL here to do an “assignment of love.” We don't have to do it at all, or we can do as many as we like. It's up to us. Our “assignment” is programmed in at birth and it is the very thing or things we love most. I was such a bozo. I always thought doing what you loved most was selfish. I can remember how amazed and happy I was when this information “came into my mind.” This other source of energy, using my voice, said, “That is the most unselfish and constructive thing you can do for the world because that is your assigned energy and you will be happiest doing it, best at it, and most respected for it!”

During my NDE, I did recall what it was like for me when I was around seven years old and singing all the time. I literally relived those moments and felt the joy I had known when I used to sing. I recalled the light telling me to try to go toward singing. It said nothing of fame, money, or even a nice singing voice.

I know what I am saying sounds absolutely nuts—believe me, I know.. But this was a BIG part of this incredible encounter, and to leave it out would make the whole story less true, or at least have less meaning for me. So even though I know in my heart the light told me singing was my “assignment,” and even though I want desperately to sing and am working like crazy at it, I will try to be open to whatever comes my way.. I have had an enormous amount of fun just trying and I won't have to go to my grave knowing I never even tried.

Now that I have seen, been with, and experienced the source of this loving euphoric state of mind, I'll be chasing it for the rest of my life and doing whatever I feel deeply to do, knowing it is the light that is driving me. I used to think I was the artist when I was painting. I now see, since my NDE, that I am only the brush, my life experiences are the paint, my life is the painting, and the world is the studio with love as the subject.

Petra concludes her commentary by expressing the gratitude that, as we now know, so many NDErs offer to the Light for their encounter with ultimate truth, despite the fact that it has launched her on an uncertain course:

It has become my whole life to pay that light back in some way for coming to me and loving me when I needed it most. I've got a feeling this is going to be a lifetime project. The “old me” is gone and every day I'm discovering the “new me.” I don't know what the future will bring but I am going to do my best to stay open for change and growth. I know I'll probably spend the rest of my life adjusting, in one way or another, to what happened to me that day in August. But I wouldn't change it for the world! I will have it with me always and, I hope, find some way to share it.

Well, share it she certainly has! And I only wish I could present more of Petra's experience and its lessons for you here, but perhaps you have read enough by now, in her account and in the others that preceded it in this chapter, to have formed a clear picture of what is encountered and learned in these journeys to the Light, and to understand how deep is the yearning of these travelers to share with others what they have seen there.

As for Petra, we have kept in touch regularly over the years since we met in Washington. Although we saw each other only on that occasion, I did talk with her recently over the telephone to see how she was doing these days. She sounded bright and animated, as ever, and told me that she had indeed been pursuing her singing, which continues to give her great joy, and has been working on some new inventions as well. All in all, she gave me the impression that she was still happily following the course the Light had set her upon years ago and no doubt was continuing to spread that light to others she was meeting along the way.

As she had to me when I first talked with her in Washington and as she has, I trust, to you, too, through her voice in this book.

DRAWING THE GOLDEN THREADS TOGETHER

In considering these half-dozen journeys to the Light we have followed in this chapter, it is obvious that there are certain recurrent themes that run through them. To me, however, these themes represent three distinct levels of insight that must be made explicit if the full spectrum of lessons from the NDE is to be properly understood.

First, there is the level of what I would simply call here the beatific vision. This is the highest, most inclusive, and universal aspect of the NDE. When caught up in this beatific vision, the individual realizes the perfection of the universe and, because one is not separate from the universe but an indispensable and integral part of it, one's own perfection as well. This is the realm of pure, unconditional love and acceptance, a primordial womb of light blazing with beauty and glory beyond measure, where all knowledge is finally revealed, and where one becomes aware, with a sense of incontrovertible certitude, that this is our true and eternal home.

Next, there is the level of what I will call earthly realizations. At this level of the NDE, one comes to see with pristine eyes the importance of certain human values, beliefs, and strivings that ought to inform one's life in the world. Among these are the primacy of expressing empathic love and concern for others, the value of seeking knowledge for its own sake, the imperative to live life to the fullest with a never-failing awareness of the preciousness of life, the need to turn away from a competitive lifestyle or one based on material acquisition, the conviction that death is nothing to be feared but just a continuation of life, and so on.

And, finally, there is the level of what I think is best described as personal revelation. This is information that, as we have seen, normally comes to the individual toward the end of his or her NDE, where its lessons are particularized to the needs and circumstances of the NDEr by the Light itself, or by a presence or guide that is encountered within the realm of Light. Since, in later chapters, we will have ample time to consider more fully both the beatific vision and the earthly realizations stemming from the NDE, I would like to conclude this chapter by focusing on this last type of insight. One reason for doing so here is to make clear to you how these personal lessons can be made applicable to your own life, even though you may not have had an NDE yourself.

We begin by recalling certain salient features of the NDE that bear on the nature and significance of these personal revelations. To start with, please remember that in every case we have considered, the individual encounters some kind of a presence within the Light, someone or something that gives the impression of having an omniscient knowledge of the person and an infinite solicitude for his or her welfare and future well-being. When we nearly die, then, we find that we are not alone and presumably have never been alone. We have someone or something that appears to guide us benevolently, albeit invisibly, in our life on this earth, but that can intervene at critical moments and, even, as in the near-death state, manifest clearly into our awareness. This in itself is profoundly reassuring.

When we explore the function of this guiding agency further, however, we can see in virtually every case we have presented that it is almost as if it injects itself during the context of the NDE to help right the individual's life course and put him or her back on track again. This is particularly evident, for example, in Narciso's life, where he was apparently enmeshed in a self-destructive downward spiral and trapped in a seemingly unbreakable cage of damaged self-esteem and pervasive feelings of failure. The self-insight he gained from his NDE, and particularly from his life review, with the aid of his guide, smashed that cage once and for all and freed him to live, I am tempted to say, as he was meant to. In Petra's case as well, she was, according to her own account, living a largely vacuous and somewhat hedonistic life before her NDE, but having felt the influx of divine love from the Light and receiving her personal insights from the Light itself, she, too, found her way into a much more personally fulfilling way of being. Even with Esteban, although he continues to suffer from his acute sensitivity, once he was free of a stifling family and business environment, his NDE helped to unleash his latent talents by spurring his desire for knowledge and enabled him to launch a much more satisfying career. And, indeed, Esteban has told me, just recently in fact, that he continues to receive conscious guidance from his light beings, showing that this help is available in everyday life and not just in the extreme moments of near death.

In examining the lives of the NDErs we have met in this chapter, do you not feel that all of them, to various degrees, have been aided to live more authentic lives, much more in keeping with their previously dormant gifts and propensities, and emboldened to throw off the social shackles, where necessary, that previously constrained them? The Light told Petra, in effect, that she should “follow her love,” and that yielding herself to it was, in fact, to do the most unselfish and constructive thing in the world. The Light seems to be telling us, each of us, that we have a unique gift, an offering to make to the world, and that our happiness and the world's are both served when we live in such a way as to realize that gift, which is no less than our purpose in life. What the NDE does is to help crack the egg in which that gift has lain, neglected and even unsuspected, so that it can begin to emerge and grow to its fullest. It does this by showing each individual who he or she was, in essence, meant to be by enabling him or her to glimpse something of his or her true self and its vocation in the world. Thus, Perico is led to touch people with his flute and Petra with her voice; Laurita helps to restore damaged bodies, while Narciso works to guide children to discover and realize their own potentials; Esteban has found his way by becoming a computer specialist and, lately, something of an NDE networker; Sonia, though continuing to do good works, still struggles to realize her own true self.

I have talked about this authentic or true self as something that is the Light's function to disclose to the individual. How does it do that? The answer is, often by first showing the NDEr his or her false or socially conditioned self. In some cases, the mechanism by which this is effected is the life review. Do you remember, for example, in Narciso's story, how he used the knowledge provided in the life review to refashion his life? At one point in his paper, he states emphatically,

The most prominent thing [I] felt after the NDE was a need to correct and change all of the things I did not like about myself. This memory of the life review sickened me. I continually saw myself and hated what I saw. It was the life review that sparked my desire for change and also allowed this change.

In other instances, however, the NDEr is given a direct perception into the nature of the false self and is thereby allowed intuitively to understand that the person one has identified with and habitually thought of as one's essential self was nothing more than a fiction. This happened to Petra, for example, and her recounting of this insight contains an important message for everyone:

[At one point] my consciousness must have pulled away from my body because I suddenly observed it from a short distance as it sobbed. I was completely unemotional as I observed my body. As I watched, I saw some shiny, clear object lift away from my body. It was obvious to me it was my ego. The moment my ego started lifting, my consciousness went back into my body and I felt distress, thinking, “It's my ego, it's my ego!,” not wanting it to leave me. I felt like I had to have it or I wouldn't be alive. It pulled away from me anyway, and in it I saw all the things I had done wrong in my life. I was stunned because I thought all that was part of me and simply couldn't be separated from me. I can't tell you how happy I was when it dawned on me that “that was never me.” That identity was never the real me.

I began to realize I was okay without it and was, in fact, better off. It was sort of like taking a dusty, old, clogged-up, used filter off an air -conditioner vent and letting the air go through unhindered. Only, in this case, it was that pure, undiluted love going through me. I decided to relax and let the light pour all this magnificent energy into me and, believe it or not, I began to feel like I actually deserved it! If there is such a thing as “restoring a soul,” then that's exactly what happened to me.

The false self is socially constructed, but the true self is not so much given by the NDE as created and realized by the individual after the NDE. The knowledge provided by the Light, however, is enough to help the individual see the false self and how it came into being—and that knowledge itself is often sufficient to begin the task of its demolition. Once that happens, a space is cleared for the new, more authentic self to flower naturally, and, if there is an underlying personal aim of the NDE, it seems to be to encourage this very development in the individual. It is as if the Light wants everyone to become the self he or she was originally meant to be. Petra expressed this thought when she said, “Our ‘assignment’ is programmed in at birth, and it is the very thing or things we love most.” Acting from this love helps us to realize our true self, which is created anew every day of our lives through authentic behavior. This is what is meant by “following your love.”

Now, it is as plain as the print on this page that these lessons from the Light are not just for the NDErs of this world. They are for everyone. The NDErs in this chapter, messengers of the Light, are simply our teachers here, whose job is to remind us of the truths we may have forgotten. Are you following your love? Or have you allowed it to be lost sight of as you go about your everyday life?

Take a moment, please, to reflect on this—don't just hurry on to the next chapter. This entire chapter has really been one long prologue to the questions I have just put to you, for they lie at the very heart of the personal significance for you of the NDEs I have recounted here. If you feel that your own life has somehow drifted off course, you do not have to have an NDE to put it right again. But you can learn from those who have and begin the job of steering it toward its proper direction again. If you sense my words may apply to you, perhaps you might try to consider your life afresh in the light of what the NDE teaches. And remember, the NDErs tell us that we are not and are never alone. We each have a source of inner guidance that, once we discover it, can serve us the same way it does the NDEr. And, remember, too, Petra's words that the boundless Light that is the source of all love in the world also loves each one of us equally and infinitely. “I was shown how much all people are loved,” Petra said. “If they could only know how much they are loved.” That love is there for all of us, and, once you open to it, it will inevitably lead you to yourself—your real self.

PosVida

SITIOS RECOMENDABLES

UNA PUERTA HACIA LA LUZ - Capítulo 3

UNA PUERTA HACIA LA LUZ - Capítulo 2. La partida

UNA PUERTA HACIA LA LUZ - Capítulo 1. La muerte no existe.

UNA PUERTA HACIA LA LUZ - INTRODUCCIÓN

SANACIÓN ESENCIAL. Introducción.

LECCIONES DESDE LA LUZ. Capítulo 1: Viajes a la Luz

Wikipedia

PosVida